Lowering the Bar on “Old”

Last weekend, I dragged my husband to see “While We’re Young”, the Ben Stiller movie where he and wife Naomi Watts befriend the hip young couple played by Adam from “Girls” and Amanda Seyfried. Ben and Naomi (Josh + Cornelia) are fascinated and flattered that the much younger and seemingly cooler Adam (Fletcher) and Amanda (Darby) want to hang out with them.

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Bulge-Eye!

Bulge-Eye!

Bathing suits are my nightmare. Even Paula’s The Great Tankini can’t alter my view. But if bathing suits are my nightmare, what are cut-out swimsuits? A perpetual terror? Bless any woman who can wear one. On the wrong woman, that would be me, my fat would be displaced to unsightly yet graphically intriguing proportions. Serious, these horrifying weapons of self-esteem destruction turn the torso into your own personal whack-a-mole game for flesh. No thanks.

And tan lines? Not to worry, I’m leaving the house…like never.

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Just For The Halibut

inner sunset san francisco style

A few weeks back, while in Palm Springs on the “divorce” trip, we spent a lot of time shooting the shit. A lot of the shit we shot involved the shit that went down during our collective shitty divorces (only one of us has been spared the big “D”.)

All of our circumstances were very different: One’s divorce involved kids, another’s involved devouring Eat Pray, Love and subsequent move to Rome to devour Gelato, mine a DUI and Iyengar. The most recent involved halibut.

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Spring Break My Budget

Maison Martin Margiela, Los Angeles

Being a 45 year-old freshman has its benefits. Being mistaken for the professor isn’t one of them. Nor is a Spring-less Break since my kids’ school schedule doesn’t line up with mine. While my school mates went off to do body shots in Cancun, my shot body stayed home while my kids went away on an their own Spring Break with their Dad. Surviving on cereal and ripped leggings, I spent my days doing uninterrupted homework. I don’t think I came within 20 feet of a vegetable or a bra. Can you call that a vacation?

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The Great Tankini

hotel saguaro, palm springs

While Jslow spent her Spring Break in Martin Margiela and mountains of cereal, I spent mine in Palm Springs at the Hotel Saguaro with my “Poker Group”, celebrating the finalization of a divorce for one of our members. Never a great hand to be dealt, but she played it with equal parts class and balls.

We lived at the pool. I must point out that for me, there is not much that can beat a pool and all pool-related activities. This may include one, most, or all of these “air qoute” activities “air quote” happening simultaneously:

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