Like Jslow, I too never had a burning desire to have kids. Unlike Jslow, I never had them.
I knew, pretty much since forever, that I did not want kids. I still remember sitting at my parent’s kitchen table wearing purple and white-striped Dolphin polyester shorts and Nike Cortez sneakers, announcing to my mom that I would never make her a grandmother.
This did not go over well. She called me selfish and exclaimed that if she had felt the same way I would not exist. She had a point.
I just never felt that motherhood “urge” that I always thought one should feel. Maybe part of the reason is that I never felt that real love towards someone to warrant the desire to create something so personal and miraculous. I finally have that profound love now, but since my “rig” was removed years ago along with a fibroid the size of football, it’s physically impossible.
What I have always wanted, and have had for chunks of my life, are cats. I few years ago I lost two “sons”, Gary and Sponge, in a divorce. It was awful. When I wed the love of my life last year, I knew that although he loved cats, his allergies made having them impossible. This past Christmas, our first as a married couple, he gave me cat pajamas. That gave me my opening to tell him that what would really make life perfect were cats.
He agreed to try, which we both knew would put us, the kitties and our relationship through hell. If he could not live relatively comfortably with the cats, we’d have to give them up. This would break our hearts. There would be resentments on both sides. Would this risk be worth it?
Three air-purifiers, 14 bags of anti-dust litter, 7 packs of Claritin, 2 boxes of Neil-Meds, 8 cartons of Kleenex, a Neti-Pot and 3 sessions at Advanced Allergy Solutions later, we are the proud parents of Cutie Pie and Rocket. I will never forget what my husband did to make me a mom. And seeing him with the “girls” has shown me a side to him so tender and nurturing I could explode rainbows and cartoon fawns.
Whoever said being a crazy cat lady isn’t fashionable? Hope you all had a marvelous Mother’s Day. I did. Meow.