Itching for Mother’s Day

I am disgusting. Not a observation. A fact.

I’ve had hives for two weeks. And after my second round of steroids produced a testicle and some chest hair, I learned my hives are a reaction to a parasite that was living inside a delicious oyster I ingested on a Saturday Night that has now settled comfortably inside of me. My body is a house of horrors.

Get me out of here.

The only areas on my body unaffected by the outbreak of hives are my feet, hands, face and head. Scabs cover the rest of me. Including my delicate areas.

Please get me out of here.

If I could scratch myself to death, I would. But with the help of a sedative I foggily get through my days despising my skin, the skin I’m in and the oysters that I used to love.

God, get me out of here.

The only upside to my condition is a massive Mother’s Day payout which started with breakfast in bed, flowers and three bags from Barney’s. Not the usual Mother’s Day, trust me. But I’m not the usual mother anymore. I am now the extraordinary, super-bionic, Hive-a-nator.

And this is my uniform. Up, Up and Away!

hive-a-nator outfit

1. Proenza Schouler lace-inset dress @ kirnazabete.com, 2. Parasite Eyewear “Vixen” sunglasses @ parasite-eyewear.com, 3. Asherali Knopfer nail ring @ farfetch.com, 4. Proenza Schouler Gladiator sandals @ barneys.com

10 Responses

  1. aratner@nyc.rr.com'

    Oh you poor thing! I can sympathize with you because I had a rash all over my body from a medication I had to take for hepatitis and it nearly killed me (literally). Did the dr give you any steroid creams or foams to apply? Also, what helped me was Aveeno body wash. The skin wasn’t as dry. It’s soothing. I hope you feel better soon. Meanwhile, here’s something not too expensive to take your mind off your rash. Check this out

    http://www.vestiairecollective.com/new/women-clothing/jackets/schott/leather-black-leather-perfecto-jacket-513976.shtml

    It might be just what you need!

    1. All and the above. Its been quite the journey of topicals and orals. This is the exact jacket I had when I was a teen. Nice find. Price is fantastic. It is just what I need! Thanks, Andrea!

  2. colleenlyn@yahoo.com'
    Colleen

    What the what??!. That sucks…and I thought I would see a post about the Met exhibit. Excess body hair (and tesicle) aside, at least you no longer are merely questioning what you have and if you are crazy…I assume, hope?, you are on the mend…. (don’t panic unless your voice drops a full octave and even then you can aim for a Lauren Becall or Malene Deitrich 40s vibe) Feel better. xo

  3. makeupbystacymc@gmail.com'

    Oh no! That’s horrible! Isn’t there anything the Dr. can do to rid you of this ugly parasite? I’m never eating an oyster again!!! I’m sorry you’re in such pain. 🙁

  4. kim@maxwheeler.com'

    So sorry to hear about that. Sounds terrible! I hope you really did get spoiled on Mother’s Day. Take care and I hope you are well soon!

    Kim

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