Miley x Paula BFF

mileycyrussweatjeanpants

Miley Cyrus in Ashish sweat-jeans. Photo from Dlisted.

This is the newly renovated Miley Cyrus. As most of you may not know, as much as I loathe both she and her dad’s music, I secretly love her recent punked-out style, even if it’s all a marketing ploy.

Miley’s transformation into Agyness Deyn, (British fashion model and Dr. Marten’s collaborator/muse.) started with her trip to the Dr. Marten’s Philadelphia store followed by a stop at the salon to chop, bleach and spike her hair. Even kids on the Dr. Marten’s site were cringing at her co-opting a look with very authentic roots.

Anyway, yesterday Jslow sent me the link to this Miley photo courtesy of Dlisted’s semi-regular segment “What in the hell kind of GD outfit is this”  which features a celebrity sporting something horrific followed by Michael K’s hilariously off-color commentary. Ladies, if you do not know of this treasured place for dirt, bookmark it immediately. It might just be the funniest, best written blog in the world.

The problem with this particular beat-down? I own those pants. I’ve written about those pants. In fact, I came thisclose to wearing them yesterday on my way to the salon to trim my own spiky semi-punked hair. I ended up tossing them off into a heap on the floor having no idea how to “style” them, opting instead for my more natural and way more flattering uniform of skinny jeans or cords, tank and statement shoes (yesterday’s were Giuseppe Zanotti metal-T-straps as seen here.)

Giuseppe Zanotti metal t-strap sandalsHere is what Michael had to say about the pants I left behind:

“The oh-so-edgy and oh-so-urban Miley Cyrus wore the ugly bastard child of sweats and jeans to the MySpace relaunch party in Hollywood last night. You know, I’m all for interpants fucking, but the only reason for those ugly ass pants to exist is to show you that it’s possible to barf chunks out through your eye holes. Those pants don’t even make sense and bitch is totally disrespecting her legs. The right leg wants to lounge on a futon while Hot Fries crumbs fall on it during a Say Yes to the Dress marathon. The left leg wants to shake it to a Color Me Badd song at a junior high school dance in 1992. The right leg wants to do something totally different from the left leg. Bitch is confusing her legs and tearing them apart!

It’s like the left leg is possessed by the spirit of Katie Holmes circa 2008 and the right leg is possessed by the spirit of KFed circa now. That mess is not the look and even Jekyll and Hyde wouldn’t wear that shit. I hope her legs hate her for this.”

Interpants fucking? As Michael K would say, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I’m not sure what’s worse: Having my Ashish sweat/jeans ripped a new one by dlisted, or the fact that I own the same pants as a 20 year-old ex-Nickelodeon fixture who’s dad tortured us with “Achy Breaky Heart” and the mullet.

Come to think of it, what’s really worse is this: “Hey Miley, I know you’re working really hard to curate your new edgy “brand” and all, so I thought you’d like to know that I own those pants and I’m fifty-fucking-one years old!” Or as US Magazine might quip, maybe it’s time to “Trash your Stylist.” Perhaps it’s also time to trash mine.

5 Responses

  1. Paula

    Thanks Hillary! Yes, Dlisted has always been me and JSlow’s favorite as he can write the shit out of stuff, and is so insightful and hysterical. Sadly I check Dlisted every morning before I reach actual news. xo

    1. Paula

      Hi Andrea: Thanks for sending that link! When I bought those pants a few months back, I was so fascinated by them. I also tried on the half sequin/half denim sweat version but they were really really expensive and a bit “formal” for everyday wear. Jslow knows how much I love giant slouchy pants and have always fancied myself a bit of a “homegirl.” Anyway, these most likely will stay in my at-home “around the house” rotation. Or maybe not. How would you wear them, if at all? xo

      1. aratner@nyc.rr.com'

        I have to say that I kind of like them. I would wear them rolled up with wedges or platforms or long & cuffed with a pair of bondagy sandals or pumps. & wifebeater. Keep it simple- you don’t want trend overload, like Miley. That doesn’t work at our age. My daughter says combining too many trends is like what a middle schooler does & I think she’s right. I too love slouchy pants and I am sitting here in my extra big 501s & a wifebeater as I write this. I prefer them to skinny jeans that you see every Sex and the City or model wannabe running around NY in. When I put my skinny jeans on I feel like I am suppressing myself, too comformist. So if you want to wear them out, you should. Here in NY no one would bat an eye at pants like that. I just got a pair of Ganryu for Comme des Garcons drop crotch asymmetrical jeans which will I roll up and wear with platform boots or sandals from http://www.number3store.com which you should check out. They’re mens and I don’t think Miley knows about these yet. Ganryu’s a Japanese streetwear designer that collaborates with Comme. They’re not available in the US as far as I know. Now all I need is a skateboard. Have you worn the Miley pants out yet?

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