It was in the spirit of YOLO (annoying teenage slang for “You only live once,”) that my husband and I hastily prepared and packed for a last-minute work boondoggle to Maui. Who would watch the cats? How would I get my work done? Who cares!
The most stressful thing of all, really, was how to deal with a week spent in a bathing suit at this age. I only own a few miss-matched tops and bottoms that lurk in the back of my underwear drawer, which thankfully include a pair of Mr. Turk men’s trunks purchased on a whim from the Trina Turk outlet. At the very last minute I tossed them in my suitcase.
The trip did not begin well.
My beloved Knuckle Case brass knuckle iphone holder was confiscated by airport security. My husband, also beloved, was sick and got sicker. I really wanted to watch the Oscars once we got to the hotel but it was tape-delayed and thus not on. I was in paradise and I reverted to a giant baby. I should have had housekeeping bring me a crib.
The next morning, it was back to the crisis at hand: what rag-tag piece of swimwear to sport for my first surf lesson. In order to “man-up” for this very traumatic endeavor, I opted for the Mr. Turk’s, which hugged my petrified body as I sprung from my stomach, to my knees and wobbled up to a low squat before getting pummeled by my first wave.
On my forth try, I got up. Even while I was down, my trunks stayed put. I was on such a high after that lesson that I left them on all day, and every day for the rest of the trip. I forgot about the Knuckle Case, my husband got better and I got over missing the Oscars. I even forgot about how old I am. Now that is true paradise!
Practically speaking, men’s trunks were a revelation. They clung tight, covered my butt for my own protection and everyone else’s, and allowed me to be ‘one of those women’ who sashays around the pool in her suit, no sarong required. My recommendation for anybody wanting to try this out is to opt for floral or “feminine” patterns and colors, as well as retro and/or actual vintage men’s trunks. I discovered a great vintage website, The Rusty Zipper.com, that sells loads of great retro pairs, most under $30. Back then, men didn’t wear gigantic trunks that hung past their knees, so the smaller, shorter styles are perfect for us modern ladies. Also, be sure to check out any men’s online swim departments (Yoox, Mr. Turk, etc.) This was yet another revelation: Shopping for swimwear modeled on chiseled hunks is way more fun than reluctantly shopping for it modeled on young, fit, perfect women, which is depressing. And nothing about shopping should ever make you sad.
Pair your new trunks with your favorite bikini top or over a one-piece and viola! Let the comfort, and the compliments, pour in. By all means, put your junk in a trunk. I know mine brought me out of my funk. YOLO.