I’m Losing My Shit

There aren’t many situations more terrifying than reaching into your bag for something you know is not there.

In the past week, on separate occasions, I’ve reached for my wallet, my “tech clutch” and my prescription sunglasses and come up empty.

toilet featured image


I dig and root and pull everything out, like eleven times, before I admit the coveted and critical item is gone. My heart starts to race. I frantically retrace my steps in my brain, dropping virtual birdseed to lead me to the lost item, hoping it’s there beneath some magical tree, untouched.

I’m losing my shit.

The wallet? I rested that on a San Francisco Chronicle vending box while I wrestled out the Sunday paper. My tech clutch (AKA, my Loewe patent leather wrist bag, where I stow my iphone charger and wifi card)? Planted that in a planter at La Boulange. And my Thierry Lasry sunglasses?  Dropped those under the seat of my friend’s vintage Cadillac in Austin.

What the hell is going on with me?

I have become more forgetful, and it blows. There’s no more room at the Inn, the “Inn” being my brain, as it can only hold so much information. The older I get, the more years of crap accumulates up in there. It’s a miracle I remember anything at all. I always read that to keep the mind sharp and stave off dementia and Alzheimer’s, one should do crossroad puzzles or Sudoku, games like that.

Well, I hate those types of games, period. Does that mean I am doomed to lose more and more of my shit – wits and wallets?

I complained to my business partner, Robert, about my fears.

“What you need”, he said, “Is Tile.


I checked out the video describing what Tile is and does, which is below. These “tiles” are small squares you stick in or on stuff that connects to your phone (I guess if you lose your phone you are shit out of luck) and let’s you know where the lost item is.

Boy, if we could stick these Tiles to our brain in order to find those words and people and facts we’ve lost too, then we’d really have something.

So while Tile can help me find my shit (and yours too!), there is another silver lining to all of this.

I got all three items back. The wallet was returned to the Peek-A-Boo Factory directly in front of that vending box (with everything intact). The “tech clutch” was turned in to the La Boulange register (also with everything intact). The glasses were recovered. Things like this don’t seem to happen anymore, but they did to me, making me feel so good about humanity. I guess it takes losing your shit to find that people really do give a shit, and are good, restoring my faith in humanity.


3 Responses

  1. aratner@nyc.rr.com'

    I have the same problems! I got Tile, & it has helped me find stuff on a few occasions. I put them on my remotes for the TV & my keys. If there is something to help me find the shit that I am misplacing, I’m in. But the only drawback with Tile is it is only good if the item is within a short distance of the app., like in your house. So it wouldn’t have helped you in these situations. But then again, we need all the help we can get!

    1. Paula

      Andrea! Thanks for the tip on Tile.

      And you’re not going to believe this, or maybe you will, but today I LOST MORE SHIT: A pair of Ray-Ban readers. They are either on the Larkspur Ferry, at Peet’s, at the San Rafael CrepeVine, or at the Marin Tennis Club. I was lugging a bunch of crap with me all day — and have been so careful, but then this. Really spooks me!


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