Tennis Racquet: Fashion Decoy

My transformation into a tennis player is complete, which means I run around San Francisco with my tennis racquet slung over my right shoulder (usually over my fur jacket), ripped yoga tights on my legs, and giant pink and blue Prince tennis tennis shoes on my feet. I hate these sensible stubby sneakers, but this is simply not the time to put fashion over function.  The only time.

I’m on a team and everything. To be fair, thus far I’ve only been an alternate and won’t play my first actual match until tomorrow, but I practice and attend clinics with my teammates, and try like hell to at the very least reach the ball with my racquet while not hyperventilating all over the court.

This is all far out of my comfort zone.

I haven’t played a team sport since my early advertising league softball days of the mid 80’s, but that was really about the post-game drinking and fraternizing with the men’s league players. Pot was involved.

And yoga, my “sport”, is solitary. I can suck all over that mat, and it doesn’t impact anybody but me. Sucking on the court impacts everybody. It’s stresses me out which makes yoga critical to calm myself down.

Back to my fashion dilemma. Sure, I sported a slip as tennis garb when I attended tennis camp last winter. But that was Mexico, in a remote resort, and it was 93 degrees. We play tennis at night, in the fog, on a roof. I can’t ride Muni in a slip, I just can’t. Besides the fact that I’d freeze my ass off, I might get mistaken for a hooker who enjoys a good game of tennis.

At practice the other day, one of our players was complaining about how goofy she looked as she commuted to the gym in her tennis attire and that “thank god for the tennis racquet” which made it clear to the world that “Hey, I’m wearing this horrifying outfit because I’m on my way to play tennis on the roof in the freezing cold! Step off.”

A light-bulb went off. When one is having a bad fashion day, just sling a racquet, or yoga mat, or anything that signals that the dubious ensemble is serving a higher purpose, and that purpose is not fashion.

Not sure how to style those culottes? Add a tennis racquet! Or those floral leggings? Add skis! Feel haggard in your baggy jeans and sweatshirt? Add a yoga mat! Iffy about that fringed bomber? Add a bike!

And ride off into the sunset feeling, well, smug and secure in your deception.

Wish me luck tomorrow! xo