Jiggly Bits

The topic of swimwear has been covered here at BSB before, and the last time was most definitely not the last time. Because coverage is what it’s all about when we’re talking swimwear and high metabolisms that have been discarded in our distant past, somewhere next to a Snickers wrapper and an empty can of Coke. Ahh, youth.

In a quick month, I will be standing on the beach with my friend Gina, a gorgeous gal and all around talented lady whom I adore. She also happens to be some yoga guru with body fat well below 7%. Urghhh.

The depth of my predicament came into sharp focus when I was over at her house a couple of weeks ago looking at a dress she had purchased on eBay. She lamented about her post baby skin that hangs one centimeter from her belly when she bends over, which she chose to demonstrate. Yes, just a centimeter of epidermis. Hmmmm. I wasn’t actually clear on what the travesty was. When I bend over, I too have the skin hang scenario, but my skin is attached to at least 3″ of sub-dermal fatty deposits. Where are my feet again?

She then went on to swear she has “jiggly bits,” which I think means little patches of fat that are hidden within a half-inch circumference somewhere on her near-perfect body. How do you measure “a bit” next to chunks? I’ll take bits, tads, morsels, crumbs, fragments, specks, smidgens, spots and drops next to my chunks, hunks, lumps and masses any day.

I’ve decided I either need to affect some catastrophic viral infection that is 100% contagious and inhibits my stay at the beach house with Gina, or order the below with overnight delivery…just to be covered.