A Short Story About Shorts

While Jslow went to Bermuda(s) to tackle the summer heat, I went the opposite route during last weekend’s mini heat-wave: I stayed home and played shortstop.

My sunny Sunday outfit: Eyebobs readers, James Perse sweatshirt, Each X Other engineer jeans cut into shorts, Steven Alan plaid shirt tied around waist, Chanel sneakers.

I’d just suffered through eight straight days of fog that buried the western half of the city in gloomy grey gunk, and my whole being ached for sun. Apparently, this outer San Francisco phenomenon is called “Junuary” — you know, January in June, and it really threw me for a loop.

And so I made every effort to be outside and soak up the warmth: I read the Sunday Times on the front lawn, busted out the Weedwacker™ and  whacked weeds, walked down one side of the hill to the local market for nothing in particular, and then down the other side to Walgreens for something very particular — Colonoscopy prep medicine — and then played tennis after dinner. And I did it all in shorts.

Like Jslow, I too have grown increasingly bummed about the state of my legs. As I noted here, they are the last to go — but go they do. And mine, although slim, feature sagging skin, vericose veins and cellulite — all the usual suspects. But screw it. I took my offenders out in the broad daylight. And you know what? Nothing bad happened. We didn’t get thrown in fashion jail. And I was comfortable.

So the next time it’s hot out, cut that sun off at the knees, or higher, and tell any haters to stick it where the sun don’t shine. And throw some shade.

I. P.A.R.O.S.H. ‘Fulcot’ print shorts, Farfetch. 2. Chino Shorts, Uniqlo. 3. Demin shorts in dark von wash, J.Crew. 4. Leather shorts, Madewell. 5. Pink floral shorts, J.Crew. 6. Patch of Sunlight shorts, Modcloth. 7. Ostwald Helgason jacquard high-waisted shorts, The Corner. 8. Milly neon stretch-silk shorts, Net-A-Porter. 9. R-13 slouch shorts, La Garconne.