“Johnny Depp” Your Boots

Johnny Depp in his signature scuffed boots.

As I sit down to write this, I’m laughing inside at the irony — the irony in what I’m about to do, which is rub sandpaper all over my still new Balenciaga boots  in order to make them look — old. Reverse exfoliation!

Ever since I was a teen, I’ve never felt comfortable in anything perfect, neat and hot-off-the-mannequin. To me, nothing is worse than a stiff pair of too-blue, brand-new jeans, or a crisp t-shirt, bright and devoid of fading and flaws, which conspire to make me feel so — normal. And normal just makes me uncomfortable. Way back, when Rei Kawakubo of Comme Des Garcons debuted her “Deconstructed” blazers and skirts featuring unfinished hems and an overall destroyed look, I about died. That’s me!

My perfectly beautiful Balenciaga boots, post-sandpaper.

Pilled sweaters? Bring them on! Holey sweatshirts? Yes, please! Battered Levi’s? I’ll be right over!

There is definitely a trick in pulling this off, as I’m always one hole away from hobo or a fray away from Flashdance. But a little scuff here, a little cut there, and viola — imperfection never looked so good.

So out came my sandpaper and I went to town on the Balenciaga’s. Underneath that perfect shine lurks a soft, suede-like leather ready to kick life’s perfections to the curb.

Balenciaga boots, pre and post sandpaper. So much better, right?

I also relish the fact that every time I alter anything, it’s truly mine — no one else has it. How many times have you gazed in your closed at a pair of your shoes, a shirt, a skirt, and thought, “if only….?” Well ladies, head to the hardware store for some sandpaper and scissors, and turn your kitchen into a deconstruction site.

Next week I’ll show you how to turn an old pair of boots into open-toe booties. In the meantime, I guess it’s time to exfoliate my skin so it doesn’t match the boots. Frayed footwear is one thing, a frayed face….not so much.