Bermuda(s), Here I Come!

It all starts with the email in my inbox declaring 3rd Grade BEACH PARTY! I know it’s coming — warm weather, exposed body and years of neglect. My kids ask me, “How come you never go swimming with us?” (bad mom, bad mom, bad mom.)

There are reasons. I don’t like to be cold, I don’t want to screw up my hair color, but mostly because I don’t want to squeeze my fleshy flesh into less than a half a yard of fabric. Along with the abundance of flesh, it’s time for the annual deforestation of my nether regions. It’s all just so much work.

I want to participate in life. I want to wear shorts and be in summer. I think I might retire to Bermuda. More fabric means more coverage means a happier mom. Should I book the trip? Flights leave hourly from Vince, Neiman Marcus, Farfetch and Opening Ceremony.

1. Vince, 2. White House Black Market, 3. Marc Jacobs, 4. Opening Ceremony,  5. Vince, 6. Kai-Aakmann